Sad

i covered a class this morning, and i swear that i just wanted to walk out of there like nothing. i tried to do the right thing, but why does it feel like i'm the enemy? Why doesn't anyone fucking care anymore about what they are doing? why do people say things under their breath and then think it's ok to talk shit behind someone's back...WITHIN EAR SHOT. what the fuck is that? i wanted to just call the secretaries and tell them i need to leave. i just can't be here right now. in all honesty, i feel like shit.

i sat down at my desk about 10 minutes ago, and i just felt this overwhelming feeling of sadness come over me just now. i'm still trying to keep myself together, but i think i'm seriously about to lose it. i can feel the tears starting to build up behind my eyes, and the heaviness upon my shoulder and chest that i want to so badly get rid of. i don't know where it came from, it just hit me out of nowhere, and sometimes i really hate being caught off guard like that. i just feel like collapsing to the floor, and just lay there and be lifeless.

there are reasons for things that happen in life, and i'm at a point where nothing seems to make sense, and am wondering when will that time come? why does there need to be a purpose? and i realize it's because it gives you something to look forward to. to feel like you've accomplished something, and not have done it haphazardly.

two more hours. just two more hours, but even then i'm not entirely free. i'm sad. i am genuinely just sad.