at work early

According to my clock on this computer, it's 7:44am. Today is testing day, and well i'm a little more relaxed with getting my stuff together. I shouldn't be, but at this moment - i don't think i really care much.

For the past couple of weeks, i've been in a state of mind that i can't really seem to describe. i really feel like i'm just going through the motions of everything, and i feel so numb. i still want to care about what it is i'm doing, but i feel like what's the point? i don't know. my mind's a mess, and i don't even know how i got to this point of extreme indifference for myself. i'll do things because i have to, not because i want to (with some exceptions of course).

for example - i don't eat when i'm supposed to, and even though i don't finish my food anymore. i force myself to eat, but when i'm in this state of mind, i forget all things that are supposed to be important like taking care of myself. i know that i got my blood test results yesterday, and they are normal, but after that short euphoria of knowing i'm alright - i'm back to this.

i want to go into more of this, but i'm at work. i have so much to explore and so much to say about what's on my mind, and i just wish...someone could jsut lay it all out for me because i'm tired. so damn tired on all levels.

i dont know what im saying. i'll probably read this later on and think, "when did i write this?" because that's what i've been asking myself with my last few posts. anyways, time to start work.

thank you blogger for allowing me to access you today, unlike the past couple of days.